St. Totteringham's day

The EPL season is winding down with little to celebrate. The same two teams are on top of the table, regardless of their uninspiring play. The middle of the table is secure; Liverpool climbed out of the basement so long ago that it's difficult to remember that they were ever facing relegation. Plus, I can't get too worked up for any of the the teams fighting to avoid the drop. I guess I wouldn't mind if Blackpool hung around, but unless a back-room deal between them and the Red Devil Scum is formed, I'd say the Tangerines are as good as gone.

Manchester City is still in the FA Cup, which I attribute to my recently purchased Adam Johnson jersey. Their Premier League play, however... It's as if they didn't want it enough. They played decently against lesser teams, but when they faced the "big boys," any offensive attack was abandoned. Hopefully this weekends FA Final will give me a reason to celebrate.

Which brings me to Arsenal.

Arsenal had a decent season with a couple exciting victories (12/17 v Chelsea comes to mind), but with those were some of mind-boggling losses and draws (2/5 v Newcastle: wow).  They will finish third in the league for the second year running, plus they didn't bring home any silverware. Years like these there is only one thing left for the Gunners to celebrate: St. Totteringham's Day.

St. Totteringham's Day, also referred to as St. Totteridge's Day falls on whatever day the Arsenal secure enough points to mathematically finish ahead of arch-rival Tottenham Hotspur. This year the Gunners celebrated it on May 7th when Tottenham drew 1-1 with Blackpool, but the bliss of St. Totteringham's Day really lasts until the first derby between Spurs and Arsenal next season.


Note:
Graphic is based on St. Alban. He was one of the first British Christian martyrs and is a patron saint of torture victims, which seems appropriate for Arsenal supporters. He was decapitated.

MCFC in the FA Cup Final

"My" team is going to a cup final. I'm not sure how excited I should be. It isn't USA or Brazil in the World Cup, it sure wasn't Notre Dame for the March Madness Cup (go with it...), and it sadly won't be the Red Wings fighting for Lord Stanley's cup. It's the team that I only started following last summer, and for that reason I'm not sure I deserve to celebrate.

Before the EPL season started, I was drawn to Manchester City because they had Robinho. He was off the team before I even had a chance to buy his jersey. I figured once he was gone I'd go back to mildly supporting Everton; I like Tim Howard, they have a couple of Irishmen and their beer sponsor isn't horrible. But then I started cheering for Man City. They were quick, albiet not as graceful as Arsenal or tough as Man U. Carlos Tevez, who I initially loathed on principle, is fascinating to watch when he's in top form. I'm pretty sure their 9/25 win over Chelsea sealed my fate as a fan. It also didn't hurt that I really like their kits.

So here I am, a new supporter to a band-wagon-able team. I bought a jersey and a scarf. Now what do I do?

Turns out, there's an app for that. I mean, there's a website for that: Bluffer's Guide to Manchester City. I already knew most of the trivia, but I still think it's notable. The team has basically acknowledged that they are so awesome as to attract new fans, and instead of pooh-poohing our newfound support, they are welcoming us with open arms.

via Pitch Invasion
Photo by Johnny Vulkan/

Hockey and TV

Tuesday night's game between the Red Wings and the Sharks was one of the most exciting televised sporting events I've seen this year. I know I'm not the only one to have this opinion.

So why can't I watch the Stanley Cup playoffs on regular cable? I was aware that regular season games wouldn't be available, but if even the playoffs are relegated to one channel, why isn't Versus included in standard programming?

I understand that hockey might not be as popular in Kentucky as other places, but all winter I've only been able to catch games on Fox Sports South. I almost became a Predators fan. Worse, because I enjoy hearing the games as I watch them (and there isn't a Detroit bar in Lexington), I've been at the mercy of my friends with access to Versus. That wouldn't be all that bad if they weren't a Coyote and a Sharks fan.

Maybe there will be a concurrent NFL/NBA lockout that will force NBC to nationally broadcast games. One can only hope.

In the meantime: Go Wings. 

When announcers make us laugh

There are certain disadvantages to watching soccer in English.  For example, I didn't know this brilliant commentary existed until reading the Dirty Tackle's interview with Teal Bunbury.

Here's that dance again:

The Ochocinco Experience (Or "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Enjoy the Show")

Chad Ochocinco will never be the nation's favorite American football player. It just won't happen. His showmanship (or tomfoolery depending on who you ask) and his self-confidence (or ego-maniacal delusions) will always endear him to some and make him repulsive to others. Now, this is a European Football/ American Soccer (or Olde Worlde Sissy-ball depending on who you ask) blog and you could not be faulted for asking how much attention should be given to Ocho's workouts with Sporting Kansas City. After all, this is just an overpaid prima donna seeking attention during a work stoppage of the NFL. It's a publicity stunt. What good could possibly come from it?

The MLS has always struggled to carve out a spot for itself in the saturated American sports market. It pains me to say it, but the MLS ranks somewhere between professional eating and the WNBA (I won't say in which order the three leagues are to be ranked) in terms of attention garnered by the average American. Despite the number of kids playing soccer in the suburbs, the U.S. has yet to churn out a true soccer superstar. Yeah, yeah, Landon is respected across the world and Clint Dempsey has played well for Fulham. But while we have any number of elite-level athletes in the NFL and NBA born, raised, and trained here in the U.S. but our best soccer players are generally regarded as "above-average" at best abroad.

So what does all of this have to do with our man 85? Is this five-day experiment going to change the course of American soccer? Will the NFL lockout single-handedly create the vehicle of its own demise in the form of the MLS?

In a word: Hell no. (Numbers were never my strong suit.) However, The Ochocinco Project does bring attention to the MLS. Even better, Chad has been genuine in his gratitude and excitement to make the most of his opportunity. Rather than turning this whole event into a circus or NBC reality show, both Ochocinco and Sporting KC have treated the experiment with a true sense of professionalism. This professionalism has given legitimacy to the league.

It also means something to have a premier athlete actually wanting to have a chance to playing in the MLS. Yes, he is currently locked out of his real job. Yes, he has not been incredibly successful. This won't propel the MLS ahead of the MLB, NBA, or NFL. But you know what it might do? Expose a few more fans to the MLS, or even soccer in general. Maybe a few kids who would've given up on soccer early in their lives will stick with it. Wishful thinking? Absolutely! But take this experience for what it is, a rare publicity stunt worth getting behind.

Kits! Shiny!

After most major disasters, it's always interesting to see the different ways that people show their support. My favorite gesture was made by Valencia, who printed all the players names in Japanese for their game against Sevilla.

Source: Uni Watch, Yahoo Sports

Also, check out Brasil's all black kit. They will be like ninjas! The Beautiful Gear blog (which is a beautiful, beautiful blog) has me really excited about all the new national kits. I might actually buy the new USMNT third kit. The red base is really striking, I can't wait to see them in action against Argentina on Saturday.

Wait, he's doing what?

Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco will undergo a four-day trial with Sporting Kansas City.


Best line: 

"Due to the NFL lockout, I'm excited to be able to follow my childhood dream of playing for a Major League Soccer team," Ochocinco said."

I know that MLS teams are doing all kinds of things (NSFW) to get attention, but this seems either really silly or really smart. Plus it looks like his number is available. 


Source: Avoiding The Drop blog

I'm nine months late on sharing this...

...but I really enjoy these World Cup beer designs: Cheers! for the 2010 World Cup. The USMNT beer even has a pleasent micro-brew feel about it.

Thanks to everyone who signed up for the MLS fantasy league. I've already awarded a beer to Patrick Barker for best team name: Clever 25 Character Name. Should be a good season, there will be other random prizes handed out as they develop (best trade of the segment? most injured players in one week?). I haven't read the rules yet, hopefully they aren't too different from EPL...

Fantasy football: where new fans are born

Do you like the idea of professional soccer in the US but just can't seem to commit to it?

Here is your chance: create a fantasy team on ESPN for the quickly approaching 2011 season. It's a great excuse to follow the sport, or at least learn a bit about the exciting players. Entries are due by March 15th (only 5 days!) and the top two finishers in the league will get prizes from me (likely a six pack of beer of the winners' choosing, but could also be something sweet like a gift card or a hammock).  It's free to play, I'm throwing in prizes so I have some people to compete with.

To enter:
1. Create or log in to your ESPN.com account
2. Create a team at the FC Manager game page. Have fun with the team name.
3. Join our group: Football and Ail    Password: baseball  (You can join other leagues too. For example I'm in the group "IDK Any MLS Players")
4. Update your team every week or so to try to win.

Hopefully by the end of the season we'll know a little more about soccer that's within driving distance.

Football Championship of minor importance: Shirts.

When choosing a sports team, uniforms matter. I've always been fascinated by sports uniforms: the colors, the logos, etc. I've long been a fan of the blog Uni Watch and can't wait to share pointless tidbits about my teams' fashion.

Over at Avoiding the Drop, they are having an excellent tournament of football shirts that you can participate in. Each head to head competition includes a picture and description of the jerseys with just enough snark. Personally, I don't think there is a more elegant shirt than the 1960s Ireland national team shirt (though the current Man City shirt is going to be a strong contender).

What's your favorite? Leave a comment.

Update: They're onto the Round of 16!


Thanks to Brian for the link, even if he is a jerk about baseball.

Ahhh. Spring.

I'm getting a hang of this soccer thing, college basketball is great, the NBA might be incorporating more defense than I remember, and hockey is in full swing, but man, I love baseball.

Source

I can almost smell the fresh-cut grass from here...

Who to cheer for: USA or Brasil?

I've been asking my friends recently who they would choose to cheer for if their favorite teams (usually from different leagues) played each other.  If the USMNT  played Arsenal, who would Brewster choose?  If Tottenham played Barcelona, who would Diego choose?  When the US plays Brazil, who do I choose?

To most Americans, this would be an easy question to answer: support your home country.  But for me it wasn't so clear cut.  I didn't really start watching soccer until the 2002 World Cup in Korea/Japan.  It was perfectly timed because I could sleep most the day and watch the games live during the wee small hours. But then Germany knocked USA out and Brazil went on to win it all.  They were a beautiful, unstoppable team; Ronaldo won the Golden Boot and Ronaldinho was just beginning to shine.

Then I went to college, and other than a few Notre Dame games (our women's team won the NCAA championship while I was there), I really didn't have much exposure to the sport.  That all changed when I started learning Portuguese. As it would happen, the only thing that some Brazilians talk about is futebol.  Still, I might have remained a USMNT supporter if not for my stay Maceió, Brazil occuring at the same time as the 2005 FIFA Confederations Cup.  Brazil beat arch-rivals Argentina to win it, and the whole country seemed to celebrate go nuts.

After that trip I began to follow soccer a bit closer, attempting to keep track of where the Brazilians were scattered and how they fared in club play.  Robinho was my favorite, but I expected big things from Kaká too.  I was at a wedding during the 2006 World Cup game when they lost to France in the quarterfinals, and I think it ruined the reception for me.  I let soccer slip back to being slightly less important than hockey and enjoyed the Detroit Tigers' World Series run.

Outside the odd international friendly, I haven't watched my two favorite national teams play each other since I became a fan.  Though they could've potentially met in the semifinals at the 2010 World Cup, both US and Brazil were eliminated earlier in the knockout stage.

So I'm left asking: who will I cheer for when it matters?

Fortunately for the Yanks, the United States Mens National Team has this guy:

No, not that guy, and not the one on the left either.  In 2010, Brazilian-born Benny Feilhaber made his first World Cup appearance. And that, as they say, has made all the difference. 

Important League Announcement: Introducing the K.I. Cup

This is it, Kenwick Invitational teams (and all of our fans around the world), the moment you've all been waiting for (especially those out of the title hunt)!

This is the Kenwick Invitational Cup, better known as the K.I. Cup, our version of the FA Cup, which anyone can win. At stake are bragging rights and an illustrious trophy, a chance for those of you (us) too far down the table to claim the title to walk away with some silverware this season.

This tournament will run through Gameweek 37 and will be set up the following way:

Gameweeks 27 and 28 will determine the seeding for the tournament, based on total scores. Top 4 scores get a bye (ties go to the bench scoring). The other 8 teams will play two head-to-head matches (gameweeks 29 and 30), and the 4 teams with the highest aggregate score will advance to the next round. There they will play the four bye teams, based on original seeding, in another two gameweek aggregate match (gw's 31 and 32). The final four square off during gameweeks 33 and 34 to set up the epic final.

That final will be won by the highest aggregate scores from gameweeks 35, 36 and 37 to determine the K.I. Cup Champion.

Good luck to all, and keep checking back here for K.I. Cup updates as well other exciting news and insults.

Be Champions!

Squeaky Bum Time!

Well kids, it's squeaky bum time. Here is lovely screen grab from ESPN to get you in the mood for this weekend's derby.  I'm actually looking forward to getting up at 7:45 am on a Saturday.

Also exciting: only two days until the end of the Void.  My eyes will be on Lakeland, FL to see how the infield is going to come together. 

Choosing an MLS team, or When David has no Goliath

I think it's pretty weird that I settled on an English soccer team before one in my own country. Maybe it's because Detroit doesn't have a team, or because I've never seen a single MLS game, even on TV. Or maybe, as Leander Schaerlaeckens points out, the format of our professional soccer league doesn't lend itself to rabid fandom. There isn't a Yankees to hate or Cubs to love for their losing-ness. None of the MLS teams make me want to create profane fan chants or hope that an obscure, bottom of the table team will take them down. For reasons that I don't entirely understand, I hated Manchester United even before I watched a single EPL game.

With almost every sport in the US, you can quickly identify the team or teams that draw the most emotional response: Yankees (and now Red Sox), Red Wings, Tiger Woods, Duke basketball, Notre Dame football, Lakers, and Cowboys (and sometimes Patriots, but mostly just Brady's hair).  Why is MLS the exception? The most damning statement I've heard against most teams is when a club picks up one player that a fan doesn't like.

Of course, it's possible that I've missed any animosity between MLS clubs because I'm not paying attention. It's difficult for me to view our soccer as much more than a minor league. It's where great soccer players go to retire and young players come to gain experience before being signed by English, Spanish or Italian teams. That isn't to say that there aren't some damn good players in the MLS. What I am saying is that people who were turned onto soccer by the World Cup last summer were probably disappointed by the dearth of familiar faces in our country's professional league (assuming they could watch it).

Oh, whatever. I'm enough of a nerd to look forward to putting together a spreadsheet similar to what I did for the Premier League before the start of the 2011 MLS season. I might not find my next Lions or Tigers or Irish (oh my!), but maybe I'll find a reason to buy a new scarf.

A Glorious Invitation

Welcome one, welcome all
to the greatest fantasy league of all,
but this is soccer, or footy,
not your father's football.

You see before you a creation
of true divine inspiration,
a union more self-important
than the United Nations.

This is the unification
of the Blog of the generation,
and a League so exclusive
it requires invitation

You've followed rumors and rumblings,
to a website so humbling
it makes Shakespeare's great folios
seem a lunatic's mumblings

And like a train on a rail,
or a cross from Gareth Bale,
you've arrived at the target
for whose shore you set sail

So hang on to your trousers
as your eyes meet your browser,
be you Gooner, Red Devil,
Hotspur, Citizen, or Scouser.

What so proudly you hail:
The blogosphere's Holy Grail,
F and A, EFFIN' A!
Kenwick's on Football and Ail!


Thaaat's right, ladies and gentlemen of the world, the Decision has been made, and the Kenwick Invitational Premiere League Fantasy Football League is finally taking its talents, and its illustrious and hitherto underground newsletter, to the Double You Double Ewe Double Yew.

For the longest time, Kenwick Invitational, so named for the borough in which it is headquartered, a mere 117 kilometers from London, and only a few stones' throws (wait, isn't stone a unit of weight?) from Manchester (St.) and the Midland (Ave.), has resisted the move to let the universe in on our private league. But charter member and blogger extraordinaire, Trish Murphy, recently touted an up-and-coming board game project (www.fedtothepigs.com) on one of her other blogs with immediate and resounding success, so after plenty of debate and hesitation it was decided it was high time to get in bed with this kingmaker. The most logical place being, of course, her Football and Ail Blog, where we will add to the Football, and certainly add to the Ail.

We are already 26 gameweeks into the 38 gameweek season, and since proper introductions are in order, let us now introduce the cast of characters that make up the ragtag teams in this league, from the bottom of the table to the top, ...


Up first, and in last, where he has been since Clapton created the heavens and the earth, is Kane Olson, Ultimate Frisbee Champ but ultimate fantasy chump. This baby of the league is likely to spend one of his first days in a public bar buying drinks for the rest of the league. His team, the Citizens (so named for Orson Welles' masterpiece and AFI's #1 Movie of all Time, and NOT because he is a fan of Manchester City), is like Wolves: a bottom-of-the-table team that loses to pretty much everybody but for some reason continues to beat the creme de la creme. In this case I of course refer to league darlings pooponastick, against whom Citizens have pulled out 3 unlikely victories, including the now infamous "Essien Game" which derailed poop's fabulous start to the season and proved a harbinger of things to come (more on that later). Your team may be shit, but against poop you always come up a rose, bud. (spoiler alert: it's his sled)

In 11th place is Fabregas Your Face, led by Cheesehead Gooner, Brian Barrette. Brian's tragic flaw (aside from being named for a girl's hair accessory) throughout the season has been his insistence on keeping his namesake on the team through thick and thin, as, at least until lately, it's been mostly thin. Brian has been firmly ensconced in 11th for almost the entire season, without even the possibility of moving up. After the results of the last few matches, however, things might get shaken up this week, as 'Gas Your Face is finally within striking distance of 10th (even 9th) place. Of course, with great power also comes great vulnerability: he's also finally in position to drop into last.

Also in potential position to drop into last place is 10th place Michael Vance, owner of Insane FC, the team with the craziest name. They hold the dubious distinction of being the only team whose 4-man bench has outscored his 11-man starting lineup, a feat which can only be mentioned in this article because of my incredible foresight to put it off for a few weeks until it finally came to pass last week, courtesy of Joey "Break Yeh Leg" Barton and Robert "Ice Planet" Huth. Mikey is also afflicted with Manchester United Supporter Syndrome (MUSS), a sad and unfortunate condition for which there is no known cure short of frontal lobotomy. "Oh no...I'm not goin' without you, Mac. I wouldn't leave you this way... You're coming with me." Just call me Chief.

She's Sneaky. She's Cute. And she's only 364 days away from her next birthday. Meet Torrance Holzman and her 9th place Sneaky Owls United. Torri is a Newcastle fan, which makes her look like a referee in her black and white stripes, which inevitably means that Arsenal fans are going to bitch and moan about her. Although she is in 9th place, Torri is 4th in total points, and her unfortunate yet admirably realistic propensity for draws means that just a few well-placed Fantasy points could have seen her in the conversation near the top of the table, instead of languishing just above the beer zone.

Baño's Boys, by Daniel Fletcher, is mired in 8th place partially due to his league high 1408 Points Against Total (PAT), but really also because of his disgusting condition. Kenwick's other MUSSer, Fletch's condition is so critical it has caused an unsightly ink stain to appear on his back in the form of a Manchester United crest. While doctors await a donor for a back transplant, Fletch is stuck in Louisville, home of the dirty Cardinals, so he occupies "Out of Town Guy" status, and is unknown by many of his Kenwick fantasy brethren.

Zed's Red Baby, formerly Jaime Lee Krygiakos, formerly Jaime Lee Curtis, né Karounos' Cronies, is the confused team of Mike Karounos. Stuck unremarkably in the middle of the table for pretty much all of the season, Mike and his unorthodox team of overlooked castaways have taken to changing their name at frequent points throughout the season, possibly just to see if anybody would notice. But to those who have been paying close attention, (for example someone who lives across the street from him) it comes as no surprise that, with an address of 311, Mike has "changed a lot and then some, some." His most recent incarnation presumably is a tribute to Luiz SuareZ, Liverpool's new striker from the Argentinean Canada.

So that's the bottom half of the Kenwick Invitational table. The top half won't be affected by this week's outcomes, so we will meet Kenwick's aristocracy in the near future. That's coming up soon, along with several other developments, including the launching of the Kenwick Invitational Cup, the Kenwick Fantasy Football Association's (KFFA) full statistical analysis of the season so far, and even a possible investigation into possible allegations of possible suspicious activity. J'accuse! Stay tuned!

Could someone go to heaven...

And explain the offsides rule to God?

Joking, of course.

He's actually referring to the £35 million offered by Liverpool for Andy Carroll.

Obviously.

Bradley to AV. They can use him.

I know that Aston Villa just picked up Darren Bent (unfortunately for the Citizens), but the Villains, who have never been relegated from the Premier League aren't out of the danger zone. As Americans have been proving effective this month, I think that Bradley might be the extra spark to keep the Villains safe for one more year. Plus it's nice to watch guys from the USMNT in a league that actually gets some air time. 

Source: USA midfielder Michael Bradley loaned to Villa - ESPN Soccernet

Road trip Nashville, anyone?

The US Men's National Soccer Team (USMNT) is hosting two games in March, the first on March 26th against Argentina at the Meadowlands and the second on March 29 against Paraguay in Nashville, TN. While watching the Yankees possibly not lose to Argentina would be amazing, Nashville is only three and a half hours away. Tickets go on sale 1/21/11, so let's try to get a group confirmed by the 19th or so.


(Tempting as the $150 on-field seats are (and the opportunity to keep the chair), ticket prices actually start at $20.)